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Obsessions

What is it like to have something you have wanted dearly for a very long time? To have it near you, with you, in your possession? Liberating, tempted to say?

Let me give you an angle. When you want something nearly as much as the essential requirements in life for existence, it ceases to be a want. It becomes a need, bordering on an obsession that is strong enough to not only kill your identity but also kill the reasons why you wanted that thing. In some days of living in that anxious need to have the object of desire, you stop wanting it, it becomes a routine, more like breathing to try and have it, for yourself. And what happens when you run out of air, oxygen ceases to reach your brain? You become restless, worse, it consumes you. And anything allowed to be a want of that magnitude does the same- consumes you to the core. You deny, defy and fight a losing battle every day the end of which is your own doom, whether you have the object or not. Even if you do get it, you must see that you have lost sight of the reasons you wanted that in the first place, like an impertinent child that wants a toy and is given it. Needless to say, the child gets bored of the toy and throws it away because his obsession is over. Sadly enough all of us go through a systematic process of denial under guidance, commonly known as growing up, that makes us look through everything that made life simple when we were small.

I do not mean that wanting is bad, or ambition. All of it is good, to the extent up to which it doesn’t start feeding on your very existence and purpose of having it. A need, want, desire in any form is productive to the extent to which it keeps your focus clear and the reasons why you want it apparent, even after you have it. I am no one to conclude or preach, but a victim of the aforementioned errors, on the learning curve.